Across The Miles (LDR revisted)
I hope all of you don’t mind, but I wanted to get a little personal.
This morning, I took my boyfriend, Luke Ranieri, to the airport: He’s headed to Japan for a four-year stint as a Logistics Officer in the United States Air Force. I love him deeply and couldn’t be more proud of him and his accomplishments, but the reality of separation has already started to creep in.
I’ve been in a long-distance relationship once before — needless to say, it didn’t turn out well. The ease of communication via Skype and Facebook was only made more complicated by the physical (and sometimes emotional) unavailability of one person or the other. In the end, it simply became too hard to maintain a romantic connection across a distance that was just as much in our minds / hearts as it was in miles.
Naturally, I was a bit scared to consider another long-distance relationship. I’d been pretty burned in the last one, and still deal with its scars from time to time. But when I thought about it at great length, I came to three main conclusions:
- This relationship was different from my last in many ways, especially in terms of how we communicate with one another and express ourselves.
- I am a different person than I was during my last relationship. I am (admittedly) less needy, as well as far more secure in who I am and what I bring to a relationship.
- I love him.
I don’t know what’s going to happen with Luke and me during the next few years. He and I both have things to accomplish in our careers and don’t plan on settling down anytime soon. However, I do know love is a strong and powerful entity, no matter where you are. As long as that love exists, I don’t intend to lose it. Kiss kiss.
Making Parody Funny
Last night, I watched “Not Another Teen Movie,” a film that made fun of the stereotypical elements that existed in teen comedies of the late ’90s and early ’00s. It, along with the first Scary Movie, helped pave way for other parody movies such as “Epic Movie,” “Date Movie,” the rest of the Scary Movie series and the aptly named “Disaster Movie.”
Unlike those other films (first Scary Movie not included), Not Another Teen Movie was actually pretty funny.
I’m not saying it was a perfect movie — far from it, actually. This is no “Best In Show,” people. Not Another Teen Movie had too much reliance on juvenile potty humor that added nothing to the movie but took too way much away. Without those moments of pure stupidity (that bathroom scene comes to mind), this would have been a much better film.
But there were elements that worked, while the other parody films I mentioned had little-to-no redeeming qualities. Here is a short list of those parts, in contrast to other modern parodies:
1. The parodies made sense:
In parodies such as Date Movie and Epic Movie, there was a heavy reliance on modern pop culture references that had nothing to do with the subject material. Characters such as Borat, Amy Winehouse, Napoleon Dynamite, Hannah Montana and Captain Jack Sparrow were thrown in simply for brand recognition and had nothing to do with the genre of film the parodies were supposed to be mocking.
On the other hand, just about every parody in Not Another Teen Movie had a reason, an explanation and a purpose. There was no Amy Winehouse; instead, there was Janey Briggs, who was a parody of every teen movie’s modern “feminist” archetype who just needs man in her life. There was no Captain Jack Sparrow; instead, there was the “Token Black Guy,” who served to represent how underrepresented minorities were in teen comedies at the time.
Simply using pop culture references because you think it’ll get a cheap laugh is not how to make an effective parody — every single parody used has to mean something. Without that meaning, it’s not actually parodying anything.
2. The creators respected the genre they were working with:
Let’s look at the follow-up to Not Another Teen Movie: Date Movie. In all respects, this movie should have worked. It had a great subject to parody, great characters to poke fun of and numerous “romantic” situations that could have been exposed for the ridiculous, over-the-top awful things they were. This, unfortunately, didn’t happen.
Why? Because the creators clearly didn’t like romantic comedies.
The thing that worked about Not Another Teen Movie was the people who made the film obviously liked or at least enjoyed the genre they were working with. There were subtle references to teen comedy greats such as John Hughes and Molly Ringwold — not in a way that demeaned or degraded them, but paid tribute to their strengths, while also poking fun at their weaknesses (such as the “Duckie” friend-zoned character).
Date Movie could have done this with romantic comedies, but sadly didn’t. This is the same across many of the other parodies mentioned — especially Disaster Movie, which clearly had no grasp on why its target audience (disaster movie fans) would actually enjoy that genre. By alienating the types of people who enjoy the films they’re parodying, they not only lose a great deal of respect within that community, but also a huge portion of their profit potential.
3. Not Another Teen Movie was funny:
This is perhaps the biggest benefit Not Another Teen Movie has over the other films: It’s actually funny. I couldn’t even finish any of the other films I mentioned because they were so ridiculously stupid, low-brow and bottom-of-the-barrel. If a parody can’t even be funny, it’s not worthy of actually existing.
I’m not saying a parody can’t have slapstick — heck, I’m not even saying a parody can’t be low-brow. I’m just saying it should actually be funny. Throwing in pop culture references for a cheap “laugh” while having no respect for your audience or the genre you’re representing combine to make a film that is in no way enjoyable.
I do hope the disasters that were these films don’t spoil parody filmmaking for the rest of us. I do believe parody films should exist, because they encourage us to poke fun at ourselves and the movies we enjoy. I’m guilty of liking stupid films just like everybody else — as long as the stupidity comes from my own “guilty pleasure” enjoyment, and not from the film itself.
Now I’m off to go put on my glasses, ponytail and paint-covered overalls. Oh, and don’t forget my copy of Sylvia Plath. I am woman, hear me roar.
The Mediterranean Diet … I Mean Lifestyle
I cannot stand the word “diet.” For me, it conjures up images of overweight men and women ordering a 16oz ribeye steak with a side of broccoli because “I’m on the Atkins diet,” which seems to completely defeat the purpose because a ribeye has a ton of fat around the edges.
Diets are simply ineffective. They promote a short-term cure for a long-term problem; and the moment you step away from it, you may find yourself immediately returning to your old habits.
However, I will say my eating habits as of late have been less than ideal. So when I decided it was time for a change … it ended up being a diet.
Geez, I can’t stand that word.
The Villain Has a Point
I remember seeing Roland Emmerich’s disaster of a disaster film, “2012,” all the way back in 2009. Upon leaving the theater, only only thing stuck in my head, apart from how terrible the movie was: Oliver Platt’s character, Carl Anheuser, was totally right.
In the film, he was portrayed as this evil disgusting lump of a man who was only interested in money. Just look at him in the picture above, with his glass of champagne and his evil, lumpy sneer. He looks like a guy who would steal candy from a baby, lace it with arsenic and then give it back to the baby.
In reality, Carl was the sanest character in the film. He single-handedly took an international disaster (literally the end of the world as we know it) and created a way for humankind to survive.
Hungry for a taste of Brittany
If you’re looking for an affordable but still delicious French-style meal to make at home, check out this article I wrote for The Daily Aztec: At-home date tempts with tastes of France.
Rick Santorum’s War on Women
I recently read a Huffington Post blog by Dan Kennedy that said President Obama has unofficially declared a War on Journalism, by utilizing the Espionage Act six times during his four-year presidency.
While I can understand parts of his point, and think use of the Espionage Act should be addressed, I think a more important political war needs to be addressed first: Rick Santorum’s War on Women.
Santorum, a current GOP candidate hopeful, has recently surged in the polls, much to the surprise of many Americans and members of the media. Some have attributed his rise in popularity to his unapologetic way of approaching and discussing his conservative beliefs and policies. Rick Santorum, a devout Catholic, has extremely conservative views about how things should be in the United States — and he is not afraid to share them.
how to be a teen witch
I was about 12 years old when I first saw 80′s teen sorcery flick “Teen Witch.” Bad acting, cheesy dialogue and bizarrely placed musical numbers (including infamous “Top That” rap) aside, I remember being fascinated with the idea of literally being able to get whatever you wanted just by making it appear … with magic.
For several years after, I had the secret desire to become my own teen witch; to learn how to use magical spells, incantations and other forms of magick arts. Since I was a devout Christian, I couldn’t dream of actually following through with it because I was afraid of the whole, well, “heck” thing. But the desire lingered.
#ww : new study shows binge drinking habits
Even though I consider myself a pretty responsible person when it comes to drinking, I’ve overdone it a bit from time to time. I think, for the most part, we all have. And it turns out, in the United States, we do it more often than we should.
A recent study published by the Center for Disease Control (CDC) shows, on average, one in six American adults binge drinks at least four times per month. Those who do binge drink consume at least four drinks during a short period of time, up to eight as the highest average maximum.
That’s quite a bit of alcohol.
While I do enjoy a glass of wine or cocktail from time to time, and I think it’s okay for anyone to do so, it’s all about limits. Binge drinking is a serious concern that can lead to brain and body damage, accidents and regrettable text messages at three in the morning.
So before you order that fourth Cosmo or shot of Jack, take a couple of hours to relax. Dance a little, drink some water, go for a walk. Your life and car may end up thanking you.
The tragedy of the Costs Concordia is something we all know quite a bit about by now. Enough time has gone by, and enough of a body count has gone up, that people are now trying to figure out exactly what went wrong.
Of course, many fingers are pointing at the ship’s captain, Franceso Schittino, who appears to have made a mistake or two in how carelessly he approached his job. Hey, we’ve all been there, for the most part. In reality, another day on the job is another day on the job. Surgeons may treat one bypass surgery like the next, police officers may joke about criminals, and every bartender has at least three birthdays/bachelorette parties per night. Even a cruise captain, who is constantly at sea, may get sloppy because of the sheer repetition of his job. And it appears this captain’s sloppiness claimed at least 13 lives so far, with a few more unaccounted for.
Although this loss of life is tragic and terrible, I wouldn’t be grabbing my pitchfork against the captain had it been a mistake he took responsibility for. That’s the most mature thing to do.
No, I’m adamantly upset with this man because he has decided to refuse any wrongdoing related to the accident. And he expects us to agree with him.
He was too close to the Italian coastline, but he maintains he wasn’t. He performed an illegal maneuver, but claims it was because the ship company told him to do it. He crashed the ship into the coast, but he says it was because he was distracted by the ship’s passengers. He abandoned ship while there were still passengers on board, but he claims he tripped and fell into a lifeboat.
Capt. Schettino has made the fatal mistake of being without fault. It doesn’t matter whether or not he believes it himself, but rather that he expects us to. This man is a perfect example of a child who caught his or her hand caught in the cookie jar, but said it got stuck there when he was reaching behind it for an apple.
The best thing for Capt. Schettino to do would be to fess up, take responsibility and apologize for his wrongdoings. The longer he keeps up this holy charade, the more sharpened our pitchforks will get.
style sunday: winter wear
Trying to keep warm in a cold city is challenging, especially for a California girl whose recent winters have included t-shirts and shorts! But right now this Cali lady is spending the New Year on the East Coast, and I’ve got a few tricks to help stay warm AND stylish:
1. Sub the hoodie for a cable knit sweater, especially a brightly colored one that will make your outfit pop. It’ll be even warmer, and better fitting. Avoid lumpy, oversized sweaters if, like me, you aren’t supermodel skinny.
2. Wear fleece-lined or thermal leggings. Way warmer than tights, but they don’t sacrifice the look.
3. Wear a tight hat only when you absolutely have to. Instant bad hair day!
4. Learn different ways to knot a scarf; you can make several looks from just one.
5. Touchscreen gloves are the new It thing for winter. You no longer have to take your gloves off to text or take a photo. You can find them at regular stores like Target or Macy’s, or grab some conductive thread from Etsy and sew it into the fingers yourself.
6. Thick socks. Just saying.
But no matter where or what temp, make sure your style is you. Just because I’m in Phila doesn’t mean I’m a Philly … I’m a California Gurl, baby! And proud of it. Happy New Year 2012, everyone!
